Monday, February 6

new blog

i forgot to update this blog with my new blog address when i switched long ago.
i think that was because at the time i really needed the anonymity and didn't want readers.
however, now that i have spent enough time by myself i welcome feedback and comments on what i write.
so, if you would like to see what i'm up to now, you can find me at

i look forward to hearing from you. please comment there so i know if anyone actually reads it. <3

Monday, March 22

i miss you, little blog

i suck at writing.

i always hated those "i am terrible at keeping up with my blog" blogs.

now i am one of them. bleck.


anyway, i have been going to the antioch group now for several weeks. the first couple of weeks i just sat in on business meetings and such, but the last couple i have gotten to sit in on/help with some pretty cool stuff. i am starting to get all excited all over again. i have been realizing just how much work has to be done as a therapist. not only do you have to be prepared to respond in many situations, to many types of people, but you also are continually working on yourself.

while i was at the group today the therapists were talking about countertransference. countertransference is a therapist's own repressed feelings in reaction to the emotions, experiences, or problems of a person undergoing treatment.
probably one of the most well known examples would be if a therapist starts to fall in love with a patient for qualities they possess. however, it can be so much simpler. some of the markers to look out for are things like dreading a session with a particular patient, looking forward too enthusiastically to a session, being consistently late or running consistently long with a particular patient (or wanting to "fix" a patient within one particular session), or thinking too much about a patient during personal time (i.e. showering, taking a walk or run, etc.). so as you can see, there are a lot of boundary issues that can arise in therapy. not all of these are bad things in themselves, but can be bad things in a therapeutic situation. i have come to realize that day in and out as a therapist you are continually analyzing yourself as you are analyzing others to make sure your heart and mind are in it the right way, not in a harmful way or a way that displays your current struggles.

it's going to be such hard work.

Tuesday, January 26

i love technology

i have been using google reader lately. i love it. it's easy. it's breezy. it's convenient. everything i like to read, everyone i am trying to keep up with all in one easy to access location? yes please. the only problem with that however is i never remember to visit the good old blogger site. i'm not missing anything as far as reading goes, but i definitely haven't written in a blue moon (literally) and kind of miss the release.

i am ready for winter to be over. after one major fall on the ice and lots of hours spent on the couch/at the doctor, i am not too excited about getting back out in the weather.

in other news: i interviewed today for a volunteer internship thing at the antioch group. i am so excited about all the prospects it will bring into my life. experience, volunteer hours for grad school applications, talking to the director about all the options ahead of me for focuses and such in grad plans...ah the interview was a wonderful refresher...the internship itself will be all the more better. he told me it was 85% sure...the last 15% being decided by his clearing it with his other 2 partners and just making sure i would mesh well with the other interns. you see, the intern positions they have at their practice are "summer-between-junior-and-senior-year-of-college," "need-hours-for-my-masters-degree." and "post-doctoral-fellowship-hours." no one who has already graduated college and is looking to be the best applicant they can be for grad i would kind of be the odd one out, but truly...what else have i been in my life? i'm always that person that gets positions created for them and gets things made up for them. even now i am currently part of a 50 person team in the call center and i am having more trouble being part of the group. i guess i just like to be "special." to have something that no one else there has.

anyway, to put it mildly, i am beyond excited. it is the covenant college of counseling internship opportunities. heck, at the end of the interview the man prayed such a blessing over me i felt that there was no way on earth i wouldn't succeed in my field, and that counseling is definitely the gift that God has blessed me with, his clear choice for my future paths. i am excited to be taught again. to learn. to stay current. and to connect with people. because after all, that is what i am all about.

Saturday, December 26

full life...full heart

i have been facebooking all evening. it is the day after christmas. my brother is gone. my mother is sick. we have been lounging and watching tv most of the day. while on facebook tonight i was browsing through scores and scores of photos of friends from covenant. while browsing i became so inspired. pictures can paint a story. i want my story to be worth being told. i want to live a full life. i want to be loved for my quirks, for my differences. i want to be unique. i want to be content wherever i am, letting God drop into my lap what he wants me to have.

i want to start embracing life again. i want to feel like a high schooler. i want to revel in each day older i get. i want to be happy with myself. i want to be fulfilled in God.

Thursday, November 26


thanksgiving snuck up on me this year. maybe it was the working full time and not having a break from college to look forward to. maybe it was the unusually warm, rainy fall that we've had. who knows. but last night (thanksgiving eve) i got that antsy feeling that i usually get on christmas eve. that feeling where something special will happen the next day. i love holidays and the nights before holidays.

this year i am so thankful to God for:
-a job, they're so scarce nowadays
-a cozy little apartment that i love to spend time in.
-a roommate that cares about me
-cough suppressants
-the changing of seasons
-babies (i get to babysit wednesday, i'm so excited!)
-the opportunity to reconnect with my friends again after a few years away
-coffee dates like in the old days
-discussions, encouragement, and analyzations
-sunday school
-a brother
-a degree
-christmas present shopping online
-food in abundance
-a working car
-a dog


Wednesday, November 11


"He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs-to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him the best."

"He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is please even with their stumbles."

Sunday, November 1

i love relaxing sundays. today has been particularly nice. after church today we went home and made some lunch and finished up a movie we had started yesterday. then we each took naps, and not too short of naps either. it was so nice to not feel bad about napping. you know - when you feel like you have too many other things to do to waste time on a nap? but after the nap there was still time to pack up the ol' computers and head to starbucks for a "catch up on communication" time to write emails to friends far away. sitting in starbucks with coffee and still being able to see the beautiful fall sunset is definitely a relaxing thing. today is nice. after this we're off to youth group and then back to the apartment for the last little bit of sunday. :)