Showing posts with label from the heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label from the heart. Show all posts

Sunday, January 18

titus

yesterday we finished up 2 kings, and with a beth moore study coming in the mail we had to pick something shorter that wouldn't take more than a few days to read in it's entirety. after a brief flip through, we decided on titus.

i haven't read the new testament in a while. titus contains a description of what an elder should be. whenever i read things like this i always compare it to my dad, because he was an elder for such a long time. i don't remember reading this passage before and paying attention, but i think it describes my dad completely.

vs. 6-9 - "and elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless - not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. he must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it."

this describes my dad perfectly to me. especially the last part. if nothing else, he holds firmly to the message as it has been taught, in order to encourage others and refute those who oppose it by his sound doctrine. all i know him as is stable, firm, and steadfast in his beliefs and his love of God.


also in vs. 15-16 - "to the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. in fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. they claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. they are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good."

this passage kind of confused me. "to the pure, all things are pure." what does this mean exactly? from looking at the rest of the verse i am wondering if it means that the motives of the pure are always pure, but the motives of those who do not believe are never pure, because their minds are corrupted. they are oxymoronical in their lifestyle (between their words and their actions) and therefor they are unfit for doing anything good. i don't know...thoughts?

Thursday, June 12

prayer

tonight is our weekly prayer meeting.  my friends and i have started getting together to pray for each other on thursday nights.  it is only the end of the first week but i can't even begin to tell you how much it has blessed me.  it has been a while since i felt anything.  you know that feeling when your heart gets used to the Spirit's conviction and you just don't care anymore.  i hate that feeling.  it's amazing the difference there is when you are consistent with prayer and devotions.

ok it's late and i can't think anymore, but i will post more later.

Sunday, January 13

new life

well, i'm back at cov.

it's different i feel like.

it's been a good semester so far. i mean there's only been a week to judge it by, but classes are starting to get in order, and as long as i can stay on top of my homework, i'll be fine. looks like there will be alot of reading again, but there is some writing also, which will be a nice breather, compared to last semester. finally something that is produced, instead of just absorbed.

i am enjoying the refreshing friendships this semester. i am enjoying my roommate more. i forgot how much of a difference there is between semesters. last year i had a hard time getting used to my roommates until second semester, then i loved them dearly. i think this year is similar. i really enjoy all her expressions and stuff. :D i love roommates.

also, i think my friendships across campus are solidifying. the hall friendships are good, but i think everyone is getting more comfortable and not only hanging out with the hall out of habit. we all have separate groups of friends as well, which is nice to have a little breather, if you know what i mean. don't get me wrong, i love my hall. sometimes it's just nice to get off the hall and get a breath of fresh air.

i've been working on consistancy. in everything. Bible reading, homework, attitude towards others (especially hallmates), and consistancy with myself. i realized part of my problem last semester was i was all wishy washy with feelings about myself. some weeks i would feel like i was doing pretty well and then i'd get all depressed and hate myself. well i realized somewhere in the middle of christmas that that's ok. it's normal to have down days and such, and it's ok to feel down about yourself. it doesn't make you less of a person to have a depressed day or two.

i know that's a weird realization, but nevertheless, it helped me know myself better.

well, this is all i wanted to say for now. but i'm excited to see where the next semester will take me.

Monday, September 24

Display of Grace

“Grace was etched on his face.” The words hung in the air with a poetic grace as Mindy Belz continued to speak. Her next phrases were blurred in my memory as I sat, contemplating the essence of what her words meant. Glory etched on his face…what does that look like? It’s a beautiful concept, but I couldn’t begin to imagine how that would be displayed.

When I walked into the chapel that Wednesday night I suddenly understood. There was no mistaking the glory that was beaming from the face of that man. As he spoke the name of Jesus and told of His works, the joy of the Lord was spilling from his heart. I had never seen such peace in a person’s soul.

Over the next few days he spoke of the feeding of the five-thousand, when Jesus calmed the waters, the wicked woman who washed Jesus’ feet with perfume, and His crucifixion, as well as many more stories which told of the humanity, yes Lordship of Christ.

As Christians we are so often told that the joy of the Lord is our strength…all we need is Christ, and everything else is loss…the Lord is our all in all…but it is so hard to live a life that way when we have never seen it put into practice. Americans are so hardened to the emotions of the gospel. We go to church each Sunday and sing and pray and at least pretend to listen to the sermon while perhaps getting a little half nap in, or at least figuring out our next week’s schedule. We forget how to be caught up in the abandonment of our God. Indifference is the key to our existence. But watching that man speak of the glories of God our Father you couldn’t help but come to a realization: This is it. This is absolutely everything we need. People or government or work or church or family or land may fail us…but that doesn’t matter compared to the surpassing awesomeness of Jesus Christ. And though we have been told those very words many times over, seeing a personal representation of that was beyond what I could ever possibly wish for. It was clear that all he needed was Christ. All his plans could not work out and he would be just as happy serving God in any way he could.

After his messages he stayed in the room to meet the students and visitors who came to hear his message. He and his chaplain shook hands and gave hugs liberally, blessing everyone he came in contact with. Though he was exhausted by traveling across continents and cultures, he still stayed hours afterwards to talk to anyone who wanted to talk to him.

The first time I met him, even though he was on his way out, I was immediately wrapped in the biggest bear hug imaginable. He said to me, “God richly bless you, dear.” Only one sentence, but it so impacted me. I had never met him, but I felt as if he had known me for decades. It wasn’t just a blasé remark, a blanket statement to all he met…each statement was tailored towards the person he was speaking to. I told him that I was so thankful and blessed by his coming. My small, ivory hands swam in his large, chocolate ones as his eyes took on a very kindly look and said thank you from the bottom of his heart.

Instances like this one came and went through the few days he was at our school. His utter genuineness and joy spread through the campus and through my heart as he continued to share his heart with us.

As he and his chaplain’s time came to and end with us at Covenant, he had two community speaking engagements to fulfill before he left. I could not explain it to anyone but myself, but I felt an intense need to go and hear his last messages to the Chattanooga area. God had been speaking through this man so much and I wanted to glean as much from his heart as possible.

The morning service came and went with songs of great worship and praise. The Presbyterian and Anglican churches came together under God as one body, one spirit, who loved Him and Him alone more than all else (or tried to). We were united as the children of God, not alienated from each other as different denominations. After the service, everyone wanted to shake his hand. There was a long line to thank and greet him, which I was not ready to brave at the time. I noticed his chaplain standing to the side. There were only a few waiting to talk to him and I took the opportunity to head over and shake his hand, thanking him for his supportive work. After introducing myself, I asked if I could get him any refreshments and he enthusiastically said yes, so I got him some coffee punch and finger food. He pulled out pictures of his family and introduced them to me one by one as he spoke about their differences and his love for each of them. He gave me his card and told me to call him if I ever came to Uganda and he would introduce me to them and show me the sights. I left with my friends, but was preoccupied with the events of the week and how mightily God was moving in me.

Later, I was fortunate enough to be able to sit under his teaching for the last time. He spoke of how Jesus was a friend to sinners, to the broken, to the desperate. Jesus is a friend to those who need a friend most. He didn’t care about their past. The past was irrelevant. All that mattered was the future. As he spoke of the faithfulness and friendship of Jesus Christ to sinners and the needy, tears began to stream down his cheeks. Suddenly his voice was raised in song. “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.” One thousand Christians joined in the a cappella singing of that great hymn which affirms how our God genuinely wants to be our friend, and a friend who we can talk to.

And then he was done. His time with us was over. He walked down the middle aisle for the last time and arranged himself to greet everyone once again, in true leader fashion. As one and all crowded to meet him before they drove back to their comfortable homes, hopefully not willing to settle again for the mediocrity of the American Christian life, I again notice his chaplain, standing to the side. As I walked up to say one final goodbye and thank you his smile widened and he cried out to me. The greeting echoed through the church as his arms were opened wide to embrace me. He immediately began to chatter away as though we were the oldest friends. I thanked him for his service to the kingdom of God and to his country and asked him if there was anything I could get for him. He handed me what he was holding, silently asking that I assist him as he continued to greet others. I stood by his side and helped organize the things people gave him: cookies, World magazine article, etc.

A gentleman came up and began to thank him for his work and asked him what had been some of the things which had blessed him during the trip. Suddenly I realized he was pointing at me and explaining to the man that he felt as though he was supposed to be a father figure in my life. I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. My mind was reeling with honor and disbelief. I don’t know how this man chose me, but he did. As my time drew to a close, I walked over to hand him the belongings and say goodbye. He saw me and, with a glint of love in his eye, grabbed both of my hands.

“I feel like you and I have a connection,” he said. “That doesn’t happen very often. When we come to America we usually only connect with one or two people. You are one of them.” My eyes welled with tears as I hugged him and said goodbye. “We’ll be in touch,” he said as I walked away. I smiled to myself.

On my way out the door, the gracious speaker reached out an arm to hug me. When I mentioned I had been speaking with his chaplain he got excited and said, “Please come to Uganda. Get in the first taxi you see and tell them you want to speak with me and they will bring you to my home. You can meet my family and tell them to come to Covenant College.” I smiled and promised I would do so if I was ever in his country.

Walking through the door I sighed a sigh of contentment. God is so faithful. He is faithful throughout all generations, races, languages. He knows my heart. He knows that all my life I have felt called to help abolish racism, but have had minimal opportunities to do so.

This is the story of the Archbishop of Uganda. He has helped to change my life. I hope this story will be a small part in helping to change yours.


Sunday, September 23

transformation

it's just beautiful to me how God can turn one bad situation into a good one. i wasn't having a great day today. i was in one of those contemplative moods where i want to think really hard about things meaningful, spiritual, relational...you know...you can tell from my last post...

but tonight i journeyed down the mountain at 10 o'clock with some friends to get a bite to eat and we ended up making our way down to the chattanooga walking bridge. cute...quaint...vast...

but let me tell you...

when we got to the middle of the bridge we ran smack dab into a 30-40 person group of 20-somethings who were singing praises to the Lord with all their might. they sang "jesus paid it all," the doxology, and then broke out whoopin' and hollerin' something about the gates of heaven and right in the middle this burly african american guy just broke it down and whipped out some of dance while he was rapping...it was so great...just to see people rejoicing in the Lord.

everyone was laughing...

i want to see people rejoicing in the Lord like that all the time. my heart has been there so much for the past few weeks...just wanting to get up and dance everytime i hear the mercies of the Lord...and so this time i did.

Saturday, September 22

a random conglomeration of thoughts...that don't go together...

what goes into understanding people? sometimes i wonder why it is so easy for us to misunderstand others so easily. we speak the same language. we come from the same culture. but sometimes it's as though we were totally different species. signals get mixed, lines get crossed, and someone ends up getting hurt. i hate it.
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quote from j.i. packer's "knowing God":
What were we made for? To know God. What aim should we set ourselves in life? To know God. What is the 'eternal life' that Jesus gives? Knowledge of God. 'This is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.'
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one of the things i have been thinking about recently is the archbishop of uganda. i will never be able to express the admiration i have gained for this man. i also do not think that anyone reading this or listening to me talking about it will be able to truly grasp the sincerity i speak with regarding him. the first day of our neal conference at school a woman named mindy belz, who is a writer for world magazine, was sharing about her time with the archbishop and describing the situation that surrounded her meeting with him. the first sentence she said stuck in my mind and i haven't been able to get it out, even before i ever met him. she said "glory was etched on his face." i didn't know exactly what that looked like, or what it meant, but i thought it was a beautiful description of how someone should be able to describe us as Christians. now that i've met him, i totally understand what that looks like. the archbishop has the ability to make the Christian faith simple, as though anyone could do it. i think most of the time Christians are so caught up in doctrinal issues that we forget faith can be so simple. God is. and God can. and God does. vague, yes, but how beautiful a truth is it when it’s all you need to hold on to? those things…those are all that matter. and when Jesus is the center of someone’s absolute being, it is absolutely beautiful to see. the truly phenomenal thing about the archbishop is he is so transparent. you can see from first glance that the only thing that matters to him is the Lord and the furtherance of his glory. i want that. i want people, christians and non, to be able to look at me and SEE the face of Christ. i always said that before...but now that i know what it looks like...it's so much more of a goal to look forward to.
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you know that feeling where it could either go towards depression or deep thankfulness...? that's where i'm at right now. i think i'm gonna go read my bible....

Wednesday, September 19

kampala

tonight i heard a message given by the most reverend henry luke orambi, the archbishop of uganda. he spoke from luke 9:14. it was just absolutely striking to me how the truths of God and his faithfulness really is through all cultures and generations. though this is something that i already "knew" but never truly grasped the truth of.

recently the anglican church has begun to allow gay men to be pastors in their churches. however, many of the churches in denomination disagree with this and have left the fellowship, only to have his grace orambi take them under his wing. can you imagine having a church in the US that is answerable and under the spiritual authority of an African church? this is such a great picture of the fellowship of believers and how they can draw together under God in the face of Satan.

i wish you could have experienced it as well.

Monday, September 17

*sigh*

i miss my home.

Friday, August 17

if you want me to - ginny owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world thats not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said Id never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to

Saturday, August 4

Come, Thou Fount - my heart song

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.