i have felt like a bumbling idiot. i have felt like a grouch. i have felt like a sinner, a whiner, and no one worthy of love. it has been a rough month for me and to say the least i haven't handled it in the most superb fashion. i am good at masking things when i want them hidden, but usually i let people know i'm upset, but not that i'm feeling upset at myself at times. this is how it always happens. i get upset about an actual event/occurance, but it slowly evolves into a dislike of myself so strong that i'm pissed that i let myself get upset in the first place, or at least hold on to it that long.
it is hard to blog when you are not particularly pleased with yourself...or at least blog honestly. i could talk about the summer, about the beauties of iced coffee and strawberries, of times spent with friends, but underneath there is somehow an untrue and unhappy current to it all...because i am unpleased with myself.
why? i don't know.
something to think about i suppose...however the more i think about it, the more and more confused i get. i wish a psych person would analyze me. i don't want to go to a counselor. now that i'm not in school that actually costs alot of money. but i see the benefit of an outside perspective.
someone want to help?